McCauley Culkin was the cutest brat in Hollywood (along with Hayley Joel Osmond who is my next blog) until he a couple of years after he hit puberty. Then suddenly he disappeared (along with Hayley Joel Osmond who is my next blog). He was so cute. He was a scrawny little boy with a funny screech and some funny lines in Home Alone and Home Alone 2. Now he is a scrawny little man with red-rimmed eyes and a tired smirk.
Like his physical appearance, ever since childhood his career has been downhill for Culkin. He starred in the sappy sentimental film My Girl where he was stung to death by an angry swarm of bees. Seriously. He made a dismal appearance as Richie Rich in (what else) Richie Rich and that gem earned him a Razzie Award for Worst Actor. He made the colossal mistake of appearing in the ballet, The Ballbreaker – oops – Nutcracker Prince onscreen. He must have needed the money.
Culkin attempted a horror movie, The Good Son, where he played a Bad Son and a psychopath. Reviews were awful. Surprise. His starring role as Richard Tyler earned him a second Razzie for Worst Actor. The film was described as “sad and dreary.” Culkin’s last silver screen performance was in Party Monster in 2003, seven years after he made Richie Rich. This “movie lacks insight and leaves us feeling sad and empty — sad for ourselves, not Alig — and maybe it had to be that way“. An awful lot of sad and drearies for our friend Culkin.
Then he did something rather cool. He parodied Andy Warhol (whom I greatly admire) while eating a cheese pizza (Warhol filmed himself eating a hamburger). Alright so he was taunting the late Warhol – any way you reference my idol works for me. He made the video to promote his stupid cover band Pizza Underground, an ode to Velvet Underground. In 2014 Culkin stormed offstage when the band’s lacklustre performance caused the audience to boo and throw pints of beer at the stage. Well done, Culkin. You de man.
His acting career tanked when he was 14 so he retired. Washed up at 14. Wow. Not a good sign for the future. Well what else could he do? His films just weren’t working out for him mostly because he chose inane scripts and is a terrible actor. His personal life isn’t much better. He divorced his wife Rachel Miner after 4 years of marriage, 2 of which they were separated. He is estranged from his father. Somewhere along the way he got nailed for possession of marijuana.
His fashion sense has been described as eclectic. I call it awful. He wears stuff like fuzzy, pink animal ears, womens’ sunglasses and beaded necklaces. Yes that will improve the image.
One good thing, he began dating Mila Kunis right after his divorce and they maintained a relationship for 8 years. That’s 6 years longer than he lived with his wife. They also parted ways and Culkin has gotten involved with some babe named Jordan Lane Price from that silly soap opera All My Children since 2013. At least he has lots of money. That’s something, right?
And that’s what a washed-up child actor looks like in Hollywood.