Celeb: Justin Bieber
Occupation: songwriter, singer, actor, spoiled brat
Alright let’s get one thing straight. I’m neutral where JB is concerned. Justin Bieber is cute. He’s got youth and a decent singing voice on his side. He’s a songwriter and an actor. Multi-talented kid. He became the first artist to have seven songs from a debut record to chart on the Billboard Hot 100. With a global fan base, termed as Beliebers, he was named by Forbes magazine in 2012 as the third-most powerful celebrity in the world. Cool. And he’s Canadian (Stratford, Ontario). He discovered himself by downloading himself onto Youtube. Straight up! However (and you knew there would be a however), for only a 19-year-old, and only having been in the spotlight for 4 years, (as bright as it is), the little dude certainly has an over-rated opinion of himself and a polite way of rubbing it in people’s faces. It must indeed be a heady thrill to wake up one day and discover everybody wants you, especially when you’re only 16. I give him that. Usher comments that while he and Bieber were both signed at the same age, “I had the chance to ramp up my success, where this has happened to Bieber abruptly.” Perhaps that explains some of the strange contradictions in his behaviour, many of which verge on obscene.
He is the Donny Osmond of the 2000s. His fan base is mind-boggling, and not only international but dare I say almost universal? This kid seems to have it going on although for the life of me, I can’t say why. His music is the most tinny, tuneless stuff I’ve ever heard. One song runs into the next without much distinction between each of them. He sings like a little girl. In fact the first time I heard one of his songs was on the radio. I actually thought he was a girl. In retrospect, he reminds me of one of those unfortunate choir boys during the Renaissance who were known as castrato, as they were castrated to keep their youthful voices intact. And those ridiculous dance moves? He’s a wuss. I simply do not get his appeal. I suppose that speaks to youth and ambiguity in terms of musical taste. I don’t know of a single Bieber fan over the age of 18 (well not anyone who would admit it). And the attitude dude! If he’d been in the business for 30 years, fine I could tolerate it. But he’s a kid and he thinks everyone should kiss his little teenaged butt. That’s a-no good. Canadians are supposed to be laid-back types….not divas, eh?
His internet critics also have their 2 cents worth, with many remarks commenting on his youthful appearance, his teen-pop songs, his image as a heart-throb to young teenage girls and his manner of speech. Well, that’s no big deal. It’s what makes his money for him. Whatever. In September 2012, Bieber vomited dairy on stage while performing a concert in Arizona. Gross. He blamed drinking milk for the incident, stating on his Twitter, “Milk was a bad choice.” Good move, buddy. Nothing like slagging a healthy drink for impressionable kids. Perhaps it should have been gin? Or maybe he was expunging some of his own ego?
He said he does not “believe in abortion“ and that it is “like killing a baby.” He stated that pregnancy due to a rape happens for a reason. Someone should duct tape his mouth shut. The whole Share Life thing is very touching, but it’s a little encapsulated from reality for the rest of us and for every woman in the world. He will never have to make that decision if he found himself with an unwanted pregnancy. Perhaps he should keep that one in mind. And one day when he accidentally knocks up a groupie who then tells him she is having his kid, I wonder if he will still be a belieber in the pro-life movement? In the long-term it costs big bucks to be a pro-lifer, kid.
That’s where it gets tawdry. Onto his public mishaps. In March 2011, he was photographed flipping off a a photographer prior to his 17th birthday party; however, he later released a public apology via Twitter. He was photographed performing the same gesture to photographers in November 2011 and November 2012. In March 2013, Bieber had a hissy fit with a photographer in London, which resulted in him being restrained by his own bodyguard. Bieber swore at the photographer, threatening to “fucking beat the fuck“ out of him. Considering the pint-size of our little Bieber, I doubt he could do much damage to said photographer, so no harm, no foul.
Having said that, it’s no secret that the paparazzi taunt celebrities in order to get a reaction. They want that explosive rage, the rants, the shocking behaviour that will sell thousands of photographs and keep them earning big bucks. These are pathetic people. Britney Spears gouging a random reporter’s car with an umbrella is a good example of someone who was driven too far in public, although what the photographer said to her is anyone’s guess. Sean Penn used to lunge at reporters for calling Madonna nasty names (we can only guess). These incidents reflect poorly on the celeb, but this kinda stuff goes with the territory. The more experienced celebs who have never lost it know this and they manage to keep their anger in check. That’s a lesson Justin needs to learn although by the look of things, he’s a long way off from graduating.
Bieber really put his egocentric foot in it in April 2013 during a visit to the Anne Frank House in Amsterdam. After learning about the life and times of Anne, who died in a concentration camp aged 15, Bieber wrote in the museum’s guest book “Truly inspiring to be able to come here. Anne was a great girl. Hopefully she would have been a belieber.” He should have been jailed for that one. Bieber also received scrutiny throughout March and April 2013 for walking shirtless (ick) through airport security in Poland and for posting a cartoon of himself in bed with a young belieber (and after that blurb I wrote about being a pro-lifer you were all fired up and ready to contest that he would have sex with a groupie…..).
Through no fault of his own Bieber has been caught in such harrowing television performances as this utter flop, Song for Daddy, so bad it never went to air, for Saturday Night Live. To be sure, a combination of factors (none of which included Justin) made it suck, but damn, just to have been there didn’t help his image. A piece of the set nearly fell on him but instead of recovering with an impromptu line, Justin muttered, flustered, “it’s not part of it,” and had to be hushed with a “yeah, well just hold on there. The little guy okay? We gonna start over?” by Bill Hader. David Letterman was less subtle during his mocking, yet scathing interview in 2010. Hey, everyone’s life has its shameful moments and its brilliant moments and Justin’s is more brilliant than most. All I’m saying is a little more self-discipline, a little less “it’s all about me“, and JB would have significantly more appeal than, inexplicably, he already does. Just sayin’.